we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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