yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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