That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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