Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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