He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
