Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
