Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
