There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
