it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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