To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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