we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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