If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
