i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
