These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
