there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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