Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
