those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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