Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
