Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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