Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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