How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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