Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
