life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
