Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
