dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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