I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
