someone threw a dead crab at me
I didn't shave. On purpose
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
