my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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