I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
