if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
