Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
