i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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