Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
