Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
