Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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