I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
