Do you still have your period?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
