UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So many bounce houses so little time
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
