Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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