The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
