its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
