i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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