i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
