watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
