My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
