I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
