You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My dick has a subreddit
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
