I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
