best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
