i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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